Does a place called ‘Malmuk’ even exist!?
Apparently date number 4 (the fat Arab on whats your price.com) was from there.
He showed up an hour late and sat down opposite me whilst I was on my laptop and said in a very weird foreign accent
‘ Always vorking darlink’
‘ vench or Italian!?’
I said vench. Which I thought meant French.… fish… low fat…. Yes. Good.
He then took me to café rough! A so called diamond mercent. Cafe rough!??!!
Then I should have known.
then I should have left.
Instead I was so hungry and angry I just smiled and asked him about his job , where he lived ect. Anything to make the following expected 3 hours pass quicker.
I ordered the salmon salad. With pink champagne (apparently that’s one of the lowest fat drinks you can get. Apparently) I’m fucking obsessed. I know.
He was v rude to the young polish boy waiter looking man . I smiled at the him as I ordered in a…. I know he is cunt, but I’ll get you a good tip kinda way
The next hour was spent with him showing me photo upon photo of diamonds, money and gold.
In between texting. I didn’t mind. It meant I could break eye contact and look at my phone to see if anybody had texted me. Anybody . any fraggle. Any old fraggle.
He then kissed my hand.
He then got up and said he needed to make a call to ‘ Some Chinese stupid client’
He but £60 on top of my bag. He said he would be right back. And left.
I knew i would never see him again.
I finished my salad, his salad, my drink. Then his drink.
And Waited for 30 mins.
The polish waiter looked on. He lent me his I phone charger for 5 minutes. I got a text from the diamond dick head saying
‘ I go to get more cash to offer you overnight to get to know each other better ; ) ‘
I payed the bill quickly. It came to £40.
I gave the polish boy £10.
I kept the extra £10.
I put the £10 on my oyster card at Knightsbridge tube station.
I was back to square one.
I listened too ‘work ( explicit edit) Iggy Azalea on my I pod on the tube.
Listen to it now if you can.
CUT TOO; 8.30pm Hoxton square.
I drank a few drinks with the fraggle and deano and another friend who seemed like the kind of man you could tell everything too. He had kind eyes and a beard.
It was weird with the fraggle. Weird as in maybe its all in my head and there is nothing there between us. It was disappointing. I strutted about in my red lipstick and was all ‘yeah look at me i’m kool’ and he was very fraggle like and reserved and scarcastic. i held his eye contact a little longer to see what happened. I got mild butterflies.
I wanted to put him in an intense stare off and slowly push his fraggle hair from his face. And kiss him slowly on his feminine lips. Leaving a (‘lady danger’ from mac) lipstick print on the side of his delicate gay mouth.
Instead I went home on the number 214 bus. I wanted to eat 5 McDonald happy meals on that bus home. But instead felt my feelings. and texted my beautiful friend ‘ diamond’ (that may or may not be a fake name)
If I was mega rich I would give lots of it to ‘ diamond’ I feel as though she is the younger sister I never had. Even though I have already got a younger sister. She is in allot of pain with an addiction. I know this addiction well. I want to help her.
But I cant.
It all costs money.
Money I don’t have.
One day this will all make sense.
One day I will be able to pay my rent.
One day I will be successful.
One day Simon Pegg and Steve coogan will have a bitch fight over who wants to work with me most.
One day diamond will get better.
One day this will all make sense.
Lights down. And que track
‘ goo goo dolls IRSH’